


What Never Happened

by musicalkiddo



Category: Smash (TV)
Genre: Ana is in this for like .3 seconds, Gen, M/M, and i used both relationships bc it kind of is both, like there's kissing but there's also mostly friendship, the title is dumb bc i had no idea what to call it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-11
Updated: 2015-10-11
Packaged: 2018-04-25 23:34:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4981078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/musicalkiddo/pseuds/musicalkiddo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“So you and Jimmy have never even, like, kissed?” Ana prods, taking a sip of her beer and raising her eyebrows at Kyle.</p>
<p>Basically just 19 and then 21 year old Jimmy and Kyle.  There's angst and then kissing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What Never Happened

_“So you and Jimmy have never even, like, kissed?” Ana prods, taking a sip of her beer and raising her eyebrows at Kyle._

_“God, no,” Kyle laughs, turning away from Ana and looking down into his drink.  There’s a slight pause, and then he reminds her, kind of longingly, that “Jimmy’s straight.”  It’s a lie though.  That they haven’t kissed, not that Jimmy’s straight.  But they'd both promised they didn’t ever have to mention it again, and Kyle intends to make good of that promise._

_“I know, I know.  But after all these years?  Nothing?”_

***

 

The first time, Kyle kissed Jimmy.

They were 19, and Jimmy was high.  Kyle, unwilling to partake, had been watching his best friend run his fingers through a shag rug for almost an hour, silently.

“Are you okay?” he finally asked.  When Jimmy didn’t answer, Kyle stood up from his seat and walked over to the other boy, tapping his knee with his toes.  Then he sat down on the floor next to his friend and nudged him with his shoulder.  “What’s this about?”

“I got a call from Adam today.  He got access to my bank account, and now I'm completely broke.”  Jimmy’s voice was shaky, and Kyle realized that the hour long silence had been an attempt to hold in tears.  He wrapped his arm around Jimmy.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered.  “You know I’ll bail you out.  Anything you need, I’m here.  I can take care of rent for a while too, okay?”

“The money isn’t the point, Kyle.  The point is that he’s inescapable.  I just want to be done with him, with all of it.  And I can’t be.  Because he keeps working his way back in, every time I think I’m safe, there he is.  Telling people I’m hiding from where I live, sending clients to me no matter what I say, clients who I now have to help because he keeps using up all my goddamn money…” Jimmy paused.  The money was kind of the point.  There was more to it, though.  “Why can’t I just be like you, Ky?  Why can’t I just be good?”

“You are not a bad person, Jimmy.  Adam is a bad person.  Your dad is a bad person, okay?  But you aren’t.”

Jimmy pulled away from Kyle’s half embrace and turned to face him.  “Yes, I am.  Because you know what?  I let all of this happen to me.  It’s happening now because I didn’t put enough effort in at the beginning to stop it.  You saw it when I didn’t, and you warned me, and I ignored you, and now I have no money and-”

Kyle kissed him.  He wasn’t exactly sure why he did it.  He’d had a crush on Jimmy for years, for longer than he could remember, but he’d been coping that entire time.  He’d never even really wanted to put the moves on before, because he’d seen Jimmy flirt with countless girls and he respected his best friend’s sexuality.  Jimmy was straight, he and Kyle were friends and nothing more.  But watching Jimmy this upset he knew that, true as his points might have been, the stoned boy had already decided to stop listening to him.  And Kyle couldn’t bare to hear Jimmy blame himself for things that were Adam’s fault.  So he took Jimmy’s face in his hands and leaned forward and pressed their lips together.  It was the only thing he could think of that would quiet the wasted boy down.

There was a moment where Jimmy’s brain, slowed by an incredibly large amount of drugs, didn’t react to being kissed by Kyle.  He froze, eyes open, hands up like there was a cop after him, while Kyle’s lips pressed against his.  Then he finally processed what was happening and pulled away, scooting backwards on the floor and putting a hand over his mouth.

“Kyle,” he said softly.

“No, no, I know,” Kyle responded, hastily standing up.  “I’m sorry.”  He ran out of the apartment.

Jimmy stayed on the floor for a second, and then he got up and followed Kyle out and down the five flights of stairs to the street.  “Kyle,” he called into the night.  “Kyle!”

“Leave me alone,” Kyle responded from the sidewalk under the building where he’d crumbled against the cold bricks.  Jimmy slid down the wall next to him.

“Hey,” he said.  “It’s okay.”

“I am so sorry, Jimmy.  I don’t know why I did that.  It was dumb, and I just…”

“It’s okay,” Jimmy repeated.  “I know you like me, and it's okay.  You’re still my best friend.”

“But I shouldn’t have done that.  It’s just that you were so upset, and you’re just so important to me, and… I’m sorry.”

“It doesn’t have to mean anything.”  Kyle was surprised this statement didn’t break his heart, but he didn’t want it to mean anything.  He’d rather have Jimmy as his best friend than as nothing.  Not to mention Jimmy probably couldn’t stay alive without him.  “It doesn’t have to have happened.”

So it didn’t.

 

***

 

The second time, Jimmy kissed Kyle.

They were 21, and Kyle’s boyfriend had just dumped him.  When Jimmy got home from his shift at the bar, he found Kyle on the couch, watching reality tv reruns and eating a big bowl of chocolate brownie ice cream.

He sat down next to his friend and roommate, pulling the remote out of his hand and turning the tv off.

“Pity party’s over!” he announced, slapping his hand lightly on Kyle’s leg.  “Let’s get you out of this freaking apartment.”

“I’m unloveable,” Kyle told him sadly.

“What?”

“There must be something wrong with me.  Like, I cannot keep a boyfriend.  At all, ever.”

“It’s not your fault you’re above all the guys in this city.”  Kyle smiled at him a little.  “It is your fault you have no idea how to flirt though.”  The smile disappeared.  “Come on!” he shook Kyle by the shoulders.  “You’re amazing, Ky.  You’ll find somebody.  You just have to meet someone on your level.”

“You meet people on your level every single night.”

“But you’re looking for love, not anonymous sex.”

“Yeah, but a little of that wouldn’t be so bad in the meantime,” Kyle mumbled.

Jimmy laughed.  “You’re the best person I’ve ever met.  If guys can’t see that, screw ‘em.  Or, I guess, don’t screw ‘em.  You know what I mean.”

“Yeah, but you’re a shitty person and people still fall in love with you left and right."  Jimmy would be offended if he didn't know that Kyle was right.  "Do you know what this guy said to me, while he was dumping me?  He asked if my roommate was available.  My freaking roommate, can you believe that?  You’re straight and he still wants you over me.”

Jimmy could tell this would not be an appropriate time to laugh, despite how hilarious that was.  “This isn’t about me, Kyle.  And it’s not about you either.  It’s just about, like, the world and the way luck works.  You’ll meet someone one day and this will all have been worth it."

Kyle grumbled something incoherent and leaned back, resting his head against the back of the couch and closing his eyes.  Jimmy watched him silently for a minute.

“You have to be totally honest with me,” Kyle finally said, keeping his eyes closed.

“Okay.”

“What’s the one thing you think I should change to make myself more attractive?  Like do you think it’s a personality thing or a physical thing or what?”

Jimmy looked at his best friend, who seemed so vulnerable and scared, lying there with his eyes closed.  It broke Jimmy’s heart that Kyle honestly thought there was something wrong with him, and it filled him with anger too.  What right did the guys in his life have to treat him like that?

He didn’t know how to convince his best friend that he was amazing, short of beating up any guy who said otherwise.  He couldn’t even think of an answer to the question, but Kyle would never believe him.  He scooted closer to the sweater-clad boy, looking down at his nervous face.  And then, without thinking, he kissed him.

By the time Kyle’s eyes flew open with shock, Jimmy was already off the couch and on his way out the door.

He felt like an asshole, running down the street and away from his best friend.  Why did he play with Ky’s heart like that?  His best friend had a crush on him dating back to when they were kids, and he had no right to do what he just did.  Kyle had forgiven him for a lot over the years, but this felt really awful.  He just wanted to be good enough for him, but he kept screwing up.  He couldn’t lose Kyle, he honestly wasn’t sure he could survive without his lifelong friend.

When he heard feet pounding after him, Jimmy was certain Kyle was coming for his key to the apartment, to tell him to get out of his life, to hate him for being such a jerk.

"Jimmy! Come on, wait up," Kyle called.

He had to face the consequences.  Jimmy stopped running, but didn't turn around, taking a deep breath as heard Kyle come up behind him.

Kyle stood behind him for a moment, and Jimmy didn't move until he heard Kyle's quiet voice say, "Thank you."

Jimmy turned around.  "What are you talking about?"

"Thank you," Kyle repeated, "for loving me."

"Ky..."

"You suck a lot of the time, and this was kind of uncool of you, but I know why you did it. And it means a lot to me."

"You don't hate me?"

"You're kind of the only guy in the world that I don't hate, actually."

Jimmy laughed, stuffing his hands in his pockets. "I really am sorry."

"You're forgiven. If I get tv control for the rest of the week."

Jimmy groaned, but he agreed to the terms. He had to, really.  Reality shows were nothing compared to losing Kyle.

"It can be like last time," Kyle told him on their way upstairs.

"Hm?"

"This doesn't have to have happened."

So it didn’t.

 

***

_“Nothing,” Kyle tells Ana, downing the rest of his drink._

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this while rewatching s2 for the millionth time because I love these stupid boys so much.
> 
> I'd love reviews or feedback or whatever! You can also send me prompts or headcannons or anything you want over at musicalkiddo.tumblr.com if that's something that interests you <3


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